I couldn't take the embrace of a real romance
It would race right through me
I'm much better off the way things are
- Fiona Apple

A few years ago, I did a small bit in an underground mini-musical in New York City where I participated in a gay phone-sex chat number. It was pretty random and candidly funny. Now on the first day of rehearsal, I walked in and snagged eyes with this cute boy with an excellent smile. In that first glance that we shared, I felt this undeniable spark of connection between us. In my mind, I thought, "Oh wow. This is that thing people speak of. When you see someone, and you just know that you've met the one." I was ecstatic. Even in conversation, we had instant chemistry, and his voice was that of an angel, though even more beautiful than that cliched metaphor could even suggest.

After the reheasal, I walked with him down the avenue, and we spoke, unravelling the millions of ideas and personal historical similarities that we shared. Then, he announced it. "Just so you know, I have a boyfriend." "That's cool", I said. Of course I said it through the gritted-teeth cringe that had been created by the poisoned-tip dart that was now entering my imaginative romantic future's heart.

Destiney had not come a'knockin'. False alarm.

So through the course of the next few weeks, we would rehearse and we would flirt. Nothing more. Reality sincerely dictated to me that there would be nothing more, and that there was no denying the truth of that. I let him slip back into the Manhattan landscape and went on with my daily routine. Ocassionally, we would see each other, and I honestly do believe that there was some sort of connection there that went beyond my desired perception. In fact, years later we got together and had a fantastic night out that ended in a kiss. However, we have not seen each other on purpose since. We have spoken and alluded to the idea of getting together. I am sure we could be lovely friends.

There was no bitter tone to that.

I swear.

A similar story - back in December, I walked into my local Starbucks and made instant eye contact with this man of adorable proportions. He walked over to me, and we were engaged in conversation almost immediately. In that moment, as far as I was concerned, I was meeting my husband. This would be our story for the friends at dinner and for the kids come Christmas. I immediately gave him my number which my shy ass never does. And he took it. And then he didn't call. I figured I would run into him again, and of course I did. It's the neighborhood. So we chatted. We laughed. He talked about his kid. Wait, what? You have a kid? Oh, and a husband? That's great!

Dick deflated.

We continued chatting, and the man was pretty funny, and we ended up having tons in common. So what's a man to do? Over the past couple of months, we have become morning coffee friends, and I see him a few times a week. He's in the same type of work I'm in, and maybe he'll help steer me into future endeavors, which would be nice. And I no longer feel the pangs of unfairness anymore that plagued our first few encounters, so it's all good.

Still, stories like these make me wonder, when will I know? See, if both of these times I thought I was signing the fairy tale dotted line when I seriously wasn't, am I just destined to forever live out the Aries trait of false starts? Perhaps I am just delusional and no one wants to say anything? Also, is there such a thing as love at first sight? And if so, is it only astrologically destined for some and not others? I have some friends who are in perfectly healthy relationships with people they didn't think twice about upon first meeting. But then there are others who say, "Oh, he walked into the room and at that moment, I just knew." Are these people just full of shit and perpetuating the romantic comedy idea of what meeting your true love is supposed to be? I mean, really, are they just trying to piss me off?

I just don't know. I do know that I have a lot of questions as far as love goes that may never be answered. And for that matter, I may even find any sort of love like my friends have. But that doesn't stop me from being just so damn curious as to how my love story may play out, so I have to ask.

For now, I will just chill out and handle the fact that it's another V Day, and I am once again a single man.

What about it?