So on New Year's Day, per Becky's tradition, I pulled an animal medicine card that would stand as my card for the year.

I pulled the ant.

FYI - I hate ants.

I used to hose them down the driveway in a Poseiden Adventure-like scene when I was younger. And my current place in Silverlake has been invaded by them more than once, which in those moments caused me to break down my usual "it's time to go outside now, mr. spider" mentality and get all Raid on their asses. (Those who know me are aware of how much it killed me to do so.) Anyway, so the ant card was not necessarily welcome. But after reading it and taking in the first few weeks of 2007, it appears that the ant message is one of great importance for me.

Ant asks one to be patient and to be "content in knowing that what is yours will come to you." To find joy in the now. I guess it's no coincidence that my friend Barry recently recommended that I read the book, Stillness Speaks by Eckhart Tolle. I was telling Barry of my bouts with insomnia, and he thought this book was possibly a way to help me shut my mind up. And reading it (and loving it) has certainly helped me to see that the ant card was no fluke right now.

"Whenever you deeply accept this moment as it is - no matter what form it takes - you are still, you are at peace."

I tend to read things like this and think, "FUCK YES!" and "yeah whatever dude" all at the same time. It's the faith vs. reality war that wages in me daily. Still I can't deny the signs. Even my first free will astrology" regarding the new year was thematic - making the unknown my trustful confidante.

So I can't deny that it's time to show a little trust and patience in my life. And I must believe that whatever it is that I am waiting to arrive will arrive when the time is right.

Fuck logic. Fuck "the way things are supposed to go".

Trust is a "confident expectation of something; hope".

Every avenue of life calls for this - the confident expectation of something. Certainly hope. I can recall hopelessness and how easy it was to have that in my life. It's only because being hopeful can feel like crossing a walkway of glass. And most of us always take the level road in contrast to the uphill.

This morning, washing my face, a lone ant walked along the floor. It was shocking that I noticed it in my hurry. So I had to stop and watch it walk. A bit dazed. Got turned around a couple of times. But it took its time finding the right course. And then it drifted off under the doorway and was gone. I took some time with the rest of my morning and thought nothing more of it until now.

I am embracing the ant now and seeing what that brings me.

At least until the next invasion. But I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

I mean, I'm doing the best that I can.

What do you think?