So I write in bulk and then I take like a month off. Does that mean I don't have the discipline to be a writer? I don't know. But let's not waste time on that.

What's going on?

We had the holidays, where I ate WAY too much - to the point where walking hurt. I saw some movies of so-so caliber. Then some I thought were of high caliber. And then one that I felt was FLAWLESS. I mean, if you have not seen this film yet, GO! If Helen Mirren had burst into "And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going", it would have been this year's perfect performance in the best film of the year by far. Still without that, she is destined for the Oscar, and the film deserves multiple kudos more. With that, Dreamgirls, and Babel now leading the pack, it's going to be a great Oscar year.

In other news, I have insomnia. Which I have never had. I mean, there have been some sleepless nights. But this has been kinda ridiculous. Waking up at 4 AM and being in this weird half-awake sleep state, where I feel like I am asleep, but I can also hear the noises of the house. Bizarre. I'm starting to feel like Emily fucking Rose every time I look at the dreaded alarm clock in the middle of the night. Last night, my good friend Uz cut my hair and gave me some sleepy aid herbs. No, not weed. Though one site I did research about insomnia treatment listed cannabis as a "modern method" of treatment. It's like ecstasy for depression. Well, I'm not ready to go down the toking every night before bed road, but the herbs he gave me did relax me. "Are you stressed?", is what everyone keeps asking me. And the answer is, "of course!" But aren't we all? How does everyone else cope? Yoga? Meditation? Masturbation? I'm open to all sleepful suggestions.

I think the greatest stress for me right now is the screenplay group that I have recently helped to form. I have realized that it's my first attempt at anything personally creative in about two years, so I think my unconscious anxiety is getting the best of me. I get these flashbacks to college, where I wrote and wrote and wrote with ease. And I know that in these two years, I have studied and read many scripts and met some of the most prolific filmmakers and writers of our time. I mean, I have talked to these people in person and asked them about their process. I am EXCITED by the whole thing. So, all of this must be why I am concurrently PETRIFIED at the same time to commit to anything on paper. Cause, it's fear of failure. LAME. I know. Get over it. Move on. At least, I tell myself that, as do my closest friends. And they are right. I am right. Get over it, yo. Cause, "You're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't."

"Shit or get off the pot."

"What a feeling is believing."

All of that. I DO have the discipline to be a writer. And the talent. Now I just got to find the balls.

Like Gwen. Yodeling. Sound of Music.



I mean.

Balls.

I love it.

Why be afraid?

I'm inspired.

What about it?