1998. The year Ray of Light came out. I'll always remember, because it was also the year that I came out.

I remember sitting outside the Tower Records in Stonestown with my girlfriend at the time. We had each just bought a copy and we had our discmen and our headphones. She made us synchronize our copies so that we would be hearing the first notes together. 21 and ready to listen to what I had been told by critics was the greatest Madonna album ever made. As the first sounds of Drowned World (Substitue for Love) started, I remember thinking, "Oh yes, I am gonna like this." I also remember us staring each other, both of our mouths wide in awe. We both loved it, my girlfriend and I. The new Madonna album. That we both ditched class to go and get together. I had already planned on it - I thibnk she tagged along. "Good idea." I mean, she had to know, right? Three weeks later, I told her that I could not see her anymore. I was gay. She was devastated. I was free.

Listening to Ray of Light now, I get a sense of redemption. That first song comes on me like a church hymn. It is one of the best pieces of music I think she has ever crafted. Layered, but with simplicity. Honest in its lyrics. And challenging in its structure. Also by the way, able to induce "coming out". Will we play this for our future children when we question them? "Little Rafi just might be gay. Let's play him 'Frozen' and see what he does."

Regardless, driving home tonight to this cd, I was struck with the personal grandeur of it all. This was the music that started it all. How thrilling. To have an artifact so directly related to this important moment in my history. I hope that everyone has a reminder of the times in their lives where they decided to be a little bit more themselves. It is these moments that will bookmark our biography. And I do really believe that everyone deserves a biography, as everyone's stories are all special and full of resonance and necessity. Further more, I hope that everyone has a chapter titled, "Ray of Light".

I wonder whatever happened to my girlfriend from 21. We have not kept in touch. I hope that she somehow looks back at that time with a recollection of awakening. And also that she knows that the world I was drowning in was none of her doing. Pain was my substitute for love. Not her.

I kept myself frozen. Like a Drumstick.

What about it?