"Everything happens for a reason."

That's what so many of us say. I know that I started to use it as a mantra back in SF, when I was working at the psychic bookshop. Before then, I thought that everything happened because I was cursed. But I grew to understand that things happened in our lives in order for us to grow and attain more self-realized wisdom.

However, I am wondering if mistakes don't all happen "for a reason". Could our spiritual goal be to learn from our mistakes, and sometimes we fail the test? Somethimes, things don't happen for a reason, but because we fucked up?

This is all plaguing my mind right now due to the job "audition" recently. Going for a job is like going for a date. You feel like there is a connection. You feel like you're getting each other. Perhaps it was love at first sight, only it happened on the second glance for him too. Anyhow, it is a position that I feel is like my hand to a cocktail - it fits. And though my shot at the job is in all actuality quite good, I still can't help but to mull over if there is something different I could have said or done to assure my chances of getting it. Could I have been wittier? More animated? Men like other men who are confident. Should I have been more cocky? Blow job?

If anything, what's done is done, and I should know I am talented and qualified enough to deserve it. But still, was this my test to prove everything I had learned and had I failed or passed? And if failed, would I have to go through another six month training course until the next test? Or would I pass on and move up to the next class, "Boyfriend - friend or foe?"

Perhaps we are being lead to different forks in the road and choosing our direction based on the way we react to a situation. I could have not worked at the book shop. I could have not moved back to L.A. I could get that job. Well however it is all working, I hope I am doing better than the C-average I had in high school. Or else I need a tutor.

What about it?