"You're being flip-floppy" is what my friend Dave told me the other night as he read my tarot cards. He said I know what it is that I want in many capacities, but I keep telling myself to just wait and let it come to me instead of seeking it out and going for it. I guess I am the lazy warrior. Either that, or my insecurities get the best of me and I give up the fight long before I am really punching. "You're prime for a breakthrough." To achieve my breakthrough, he said that I should be more receptive. And not just the 'open my arms up and let things come to me' kind of receptive. "In order to be receptive, you must be open and take things in, but then use what you've taken in and put it back out into the world. Let it go."

Sometimes I wish that I was a music star.

Then I could just constantly write songs based on my experiences or my musings on life and then record the album and put it out there. There would be some touring involved, because of course you've got to pay the bills. But while on tour, I would be working on my next album as I fell in love or fought with my manager or met people of backgrounds I am completely unfamiliar with. And that constant creative cycle of my life would roll along. And I could pop by the Grammy's and show up for my one nomination in the Best Solo Alternative Category, have a glass of wine with Christina Aguilera, and go home satiated.

Hence this is not the case.

Not to say that I do not enjoy my work and my life as a whole. But after talking to Dave and my other lovely friend, Austin, I was reminded of my creativity and how its not how it used to be. My receptivity has been shut down a bit as far as letting it out for the world to hear. Too busy administering others' voices for the past few years, I guess. Still, I am able to infuse some creativity into my daily routine, but I miss being "the artist". Perhaps fear has paved way for laziness. Perhaps hanging out with two incredibly talented artists made me feel inferior. Or could it just be my artist starving for all that Artist's Way attention it was getting a few months back.

Whatever it is, I have a story idea I want to work on, and I am very confident in it and my talent. And all this writing about WANTING to write it just keeps me from actually doing it.

This is me being "flip-floppy", I guess.

What about it?