My Memorial Day weekend was extremely exhilarating to say the least. I went out to SB to reconnect with an old friend on Friday and see a film that he was in. It was in a film festival, and I also knew the filmmaker and the other person in the film, so it was a great opportunity for me to see something made by people that I care about. I was actually really moved by the film too, and I think it should have at least placed in the top three. Somehow some film with string dancing around in stop-animation placed second. Which is cool and all, if you really like string. I mean, maybe the judges were all big knitters. Regardless, it still ended up being a lovely beginning to a gorgeous and liberating weekend.

The trip was truly about my friend's homecoming. His family threw a barbecue for him, and his friends from both SB and LA all came out for it. I really loved seeing a lot of my college friends all together again in their upgraded states of living. I mean, getting better with age is an understatement with these people. I have the pictures to prove it. And we had some fun. Whether it was crashing a swingers hot tub party in the hills or dancing to various My Humps mixes, my debauchery was met with great kudos from my heart. Cause I felt happy. There was something so powerful to the whole experience.

I live my life in an incredibly structured manner. I go to the same coffee place - order the same thing every morning. I get to work and do the same thing each day. I work out after work like clockwork as much as I can. Of course this all varies, but my frame of mind towards it all rarely does. And for that reason, I probably miss out on a lot of opportunity for more enjoyment in my life. See I also take this outlook to my friends and family. They too I approach just like my day. With the same frame of mind so as not to set my reality of things off course. And by doing so, I think that I miss some of the growth and the nuance that comes with each relationship. And that is far worse than any movie about dancing string.

Talking to my friend who just got here from the East Coast, I told him that I was afraid to love. I think by loving that I let go of the control I have. And if I love too much, I don't know what feelings I will get myself into. I think that lack of control scares me more than anything. It's funny how I have always touted how badly I want love when the truth is that I am scared shitless of its possibility. Therefore, my control equates just how much someone is allowed in. And though my close friends are close, they are still at a forearms length away from my heart, and it stings me to see that. So I am grateful that this weekend I not only saw this issue, but I recognized it and accepted it.

This will be my summer of love.

What about it?