Prologue - I am known to travel at great lengths when it comes to exploring my self-awareness.

Sunday, 10:30 PM, El Pollo Loco, Silverlake. Per Russ' suggestion, I have just ordered my starving tummy a burrito when the woman behind the counter asks, "Would you like a churro with that?" My quick basic response to such a question is "no", which is what I answer with. But my mind quickly flashes back to the morning, and I change my response. "Actually, I would love a churro." Excitedly, I turn to Russ and explain how that morning I had made a list of things that make me happy, and churros made the list. I was in need of a happiness booster.

Russ: You made a list of things that make you happy this morning?

Me: Yes.

Russ begins to laugh. "You just opened your eyes, rolled over in bed and picked up a pen. Today I think I'll start with a list of things that make me happy." He was laughing even harder now at the thought of my actions. I started to explain how I was into this Artist's Way thing and how it was part of that, but his laughter was contagious, and the thought of it was kinda funny. Some guys wake up and wank. I wake up and think about the fact that a drive along the 1 to SB is a complete smile inducer.

Monday, also about 10:30, Edendale, Silverlake. Becky and I sit having wine and damn good calimari. I recount the story to her, and she tips me off. "See how you at first rejected the churro?"

"Yes", I agree. We decide that I am conditioned into denying myself of what makes me happy. I mean, really, we have had two glasses of really good wine. And we end up laughing about it, and joking about how I need a churro tattoo on my arm to remind me. "Remember the churro." But in all seriousness, it is good insight.

Based on the crap we taught ourselves as children, we can at times deny ourselves from what we really feel compelled to attain. Sure, we want to be directors, but there is this issue and that issue and it could never really happen anyway. So we become real estate agents. Or yeah, he's so damn cute, that one across the room, but he would never talk to me. Your friend says, "You should just go talk to him." And "No" you say. "He seems like he's into that guy over there. and he probably likes guys who are taller than me." We can easily give up. We can easily be conditioned to give up. So we elude the possibility of defeat for the sheer blind bliss of complacency. And we can then just let things happen to us, rather than take on the opportunities some moments may present.

The churro may not be the best and most healthy manifestation of "choosing happiness", but fuck it. It made the list. And the moment presented it. So why deny myself a moment of happiness when it was being offered to me. And of course, you may make a movie and it may suck. The guy might have no response to you, or be as interesting as a conference call on office supplies, but still, you made the jump.

Gwen says, "You never know, it could be great... take a chance you stupid ho." And I say, "Hear hear!" From now on, stupid ho no more. I will be daring ho. A risk-taking ho. Who says yes to the churro whenever offered.

Epilogue - Making a list of things that make you happy will allow you to be more aware of them when they appear in your daily life.