It's almost complete. My 20's are over.

So what have I learned?

I can't even go into it now.

But I am so stoked to be crossing a threshold. Grateful for my life. Grateful for my friends. Grateful that my little sister showed up on my doorstep today as a surprise. Grateful to be starting a new job!!! Grateful for opportunity. For breath. For happiness. Grateful for my experiences and the people I have met along the way.

Grateful to be where I am now.

Happy Birthday Angel, a few minutes early.

"In the morning I wake up
And in the night I sleep
Since the day that I was born
Repeat, repeat, repeat
Brought to this life
Born to this life
Where was I before?
Non-existent? Not at all?
Will I ever know?

Today is my birthday
And I get one every year
And some day...
Hard to believe
But I'll be buried six feet underground"

- No Doubt

This is my birthday mantra song, every day for the last six years.

What about it?

Thus tomorrow begins the last week of my twenties.

O Brother, where art the time?

The last couple of weeks have been consumed with work, changes around work, the wrapping up of draft one on my script, and just basically getting my shit together for the big 3-0 celebration.

And feeding the homeless.

And saving babies.

OK - so I haven't saved any babies. But, last night a DJ saved my life. OK, not a DJ. But Kele Okereke did. He is the amazing, recently-out lead singer of one of my favorite bands, Bloc Party. And last night, after being chased around for a couple of songs by angry, unhappy security men, my peeps and I settled by the bar (OF COURSE) and enjoyed one of the best shows I have been to in a while.

Well, in a day.

The night before, I saw the POWERHOUSE beauty Amy Winehouse, who KILLED it at The Roxy. She played her stunning album, Back To Black in full, which will most likely top my "best-of" list this year. Then again, there are new ones to come from Bjork and Tori this year. Is this really going to be a year THAT GREAT in music? I think, yes. Amy is crazy, with a rat's nest of hair and silly, sad anecdotes about her very current ex-boyfriend. The album is cleanly produced and raw in its truth. If you need to introduce yourself to Amy, please see below for the BRAZILLIANT clip to her new single, which is also the title track.



I am still mulling over Coachella. Thoughts? I am veering towards yes, as these past nights of concerts have made me realize just HOW IMPORTANT music is to me. (I mean, I HAVE to produce a musical someday.) Now, in preparation for my b'day, I have been compiling a CD of songs that influenced my life. I know, a completely ridiculous project, but why the hell not. You only turn 30 once. Anyhow, putting together a soundtrack to your past is rather epic and probing. Birthday or no birthday, I totally recommend it. What began as a playlist of over 100 songs has culled down now to 18. And yes, 3 are Madonna songs, but it's me so what about it. And everyone should have a personal soundtrack. I almost want to just hand it out to new friends and potential suitors and say, "Here you go. This is me. If you get it, lovely. If you don't get it, figure it out or don't listen period." Too up front?

What do you think?

So I was all set to go to San Francisco this weekend. I would get a chance to visit some of my old stomping grounds, see friends, and take in some scenery as fodder for the current screenplay I am working on. It's what I 've been looking forward to most.



And then it got cancelled.



This morning.


And I can now only go back to SF in my head. Which is fine. I am still recovering from last week's debilitating flu. I can go see Zodiac!!! I can finally watch my Netflix (400 Blows and Inconvenient Truth). I can hit up my long-lost boxing class. I can ring in my friend's birthday with him on Saturday night. I can sleep in late on Sunday in what has become the world's most comfortable bed (let this be a warning to you boys - you won't want to leave...)

Anyway, all this means that I'm looking at the bright side of things, which makes me very happy. Angel 2.0 would have been miserable from this turn of events. However, Angel 4.0 is gonna be okay.

Which reminds me - today marks the four-week point from when Angel 4.0 (am I referencing myself in third-person robot now?) turns 30. Yes, four weeks from today, I will no longer be a man of my 20's.

What a trip. I'm stoked really. It's going to be the greatest birthday celebration ever! Now if I could only figure out where it's going to be. Details, details. Anyway, I have been somewhat of a control freak up until this point about my upcoming birthday. But I have put out so much energy as to what I want it to be, that I can't focus intention anymore. Now I just have to let it lie and see what happens. I know it will be fantastic. As James Baldwin once said, "Be careful what you set your heart upon, for it will surely be yours."

He also once said, "No one can possibly know what is about to happen: it is happening each time, for the first time, for the only time."

What do you think?

"Well, the little strip never lies, Angel. It looks like you're pregnant."

"Great. I'm pregnant and I have the flu?"

"That too."

This was yesterday at Dr. Ando's after one of the most grueling mornings of sickness I have ever experienced. Tuesday, I was sent home from work cause the boss said I didn't sound too good. I figured it was a cold coming on, so I went to Whole Foods and picked up all one needs for a glamorous day in - organic soup and kombucha. No worries. I would be back to work tomorrow.

Then it was 4 AM Wednesday morning. Funny, I have found myself waking up at this time randomly for the past couple of months, but it was never a painful experience until now. Aches and coughing and a headache that could induce tears. Needless to say, the glamour was done.

Amazingly, my mom came yesterday and got all maternal on my ass. Took me to my doctor and to the grocery store. Bought me a juice. Ran an errand. And all the while, we chatted and laughed and I remembered just how great it is to be with her. She was actually really surprised to see me so sick. She said even when I was little, I never got sick. And she didn't remember me being this sick ever. It's so odd to me. I mean, why now?

I've been studying all about the law of attraction lately. My mom and I were talking about it yesterday. She said, "So I attract your dad's asshole behavior?" I laughed. "Well, the same way I attracted this flu." And laying in bed last night, doped up on vicodin and fading in and out of the Golden Girls (best for sick days), I wondered about why now. What was going on that I needed to be shoved away from the world and forced to cough up mucus stocked up from college. I had said last week I needed some time off, but feverish sweating through naps isn't what I had in mind. So what is it?

Well, a few things fly for me. One is that I have been all about getting healthy. Upping my workouts and protein shakes and eating well. Trying to get my body into top form. Yet, I also have been going out drinking a lot and smoking other people's cigarettes. Kinda contradictory. And bound to catch up with me. Also, I have not been sleeping well lately, and I have been practically praying for some good rest. Well, last night I had eight hours uninterrupted. It was awe-inspiring. And today, though still sick, I am much better.

Still, sickness sucks.

But I am Mr. Brightside. So for me, it's an opportunity to lay back, reconcile my body's substance trespasses, and to breathe deep. I'm catching up on movies and reading. And writing. And just spending time with me. Which never gets old. Though less body ache would suffice, I am grateful for the last couple of days. The things I miss about my daily routine are what I realize I am most passionate about. And I know my body can be strong and healthy. And that I have the power to make it so.

And that my mom is awesome.

And that I REALLY need to own more than two seasons of The Golden Girls on DVD.

What do you think?

"People aren't walking around thinking, 'I want a bad thing to happen to me,' but there's an unconscious fear. There's a doubt. There's a worry. There's a sense of separation there that's running them. So spiritual growth is allowing that which is unconscious to become conscious. It does not mean religion but our real identity. The love, the peace, the joy, the wisdom, the harmony—these are all qualities of the spirit that it's seeking to express through us. And so as we become more awake, more aware of that, our life is filled with that kind of vibration, that kind of feeling tone. To grow spiritually is to actually become more aware of who you really are."

-Dr. Michael Beckwith

And now back to our regular programming.



Oh wait. And this:








I mean...

What do you think?

I am beginning to understand the law of attraction now.

How brilliant it is - how powerful. How everything we think and feel about ourselves generates the next moments of our lives. How if we feel we always have bad luck dating, then we'll always have some bad luck dating. And if we see ourselves ten pounds overweight, then that's exactly where we stay.

However, changing that is all so easy. It's just changing your mind. And choosing to see yourself as better and believing that.

I know it's simple in words, but not entirely in existence.

Listen to your thoughts for a day and be wondered by how much our voices are stuck on repeat. How much we keep ourselves down. How tiny little phrases can affect our feelings.

It's maddening.

I've seen people walking in circles right before my eyes, and I wish them well. And I have certainly seen it in my very own mirror.

Well that mirror is shattered now. And there is no such thing as bad luck.

I am all about elevation these days.

Visualization.

Manifestation.

Won't you ride the train with me?

What do you think?

So, by now the big news story of the day is Anna Nicole Smith's passing. It is rather sad, in the sense that it's sad when anyone young dies before their time. And what a crazy ass legacy to leave behind. It's some strange sort of American gothic tale that has spun from her life. Some people I know are feeling really bad about it, which I don't mock. I must ponder it, and I wonder if there is some form of unconscious guilt that lies beneath it. I mean, here is someone that we all snickered at for so many years. Who most never really took seriously. And now she's dead from an apparent suicide brought on by the very demons that caused her laughable actions. The sadness comes from how the celebrity-obsessed media really plays a role in this.

It's shocking to us that someone we imagined would always be on the gossip sites as daily fodder is dead. It blunts us to our reality. I obviosuly never met Anna Nicole Smith, and I really just know the bare bones of her story. But I imagine her story will go down as a new Hollywood legend.

And the gossip bloggers will just have to focus all of their energy on demonizing poor Britney now.

xo xo xo

Did anyone see Oprah today? OK, amazing. I actually tuned in like twenty minutes in, but she had these people on talking about The Secret, a "make your life better" book and dvd. And the Reverend Michael Beckwith from Agape, where I have been known to go on rare occasion, was on.

Anyhow, the gist was ASK - BELIEVE - RECEIVE.

That is the secret.

It's like, really? That's a secret?

But this one woman spoke of how it is the believing that really gets in our way. Because we get in the way of ourselves. We base our belief in getting what we want out of fear - we ask for things because we're afraid that if we don't get them, our lives will end. "Please let me get that money, or else I just won't make it this month." And then we don't because our belief system has already put our lives into repeat mode. So instead, we must ask from the necessity of our greater good. That the money or the boyfriend or the shiny new car will help us be better versions of ourselves, and therefore be better contributors to society. And then we must believe that what we ask for is ours already. Done. Leave it alone.

Now does a video Ipod fit into this equation at all? I don't know.

But I do know something clicked for me with it all. It's focusing our energy and where we focus it to that matters and creates our life. Really, my explanation up above is not as good as the show presented it. I mean, it's Oprah. She can explain it all better. If you got it on Tivo or know someone who does, watch it.

I just know that when one lady spoke of how she wrote down long ago that she would one day be on Oprah, sharing her words, and now there she was doing just that, I lost my shit.

I live for shit like that. Dreams coming true makes me happy.

xo xo xo

Finally, the new Bloc Party cd, A Weekend In The City, just came out this week. Though I don't love it right off the bat like I did Silent Alarm, I am still finding it pretty remarkable. There are some truly beautiful songs on it that really resonate for me, especially now that the lead singer is an out gay man. Please download "On" right away for proof of their loveliness.

OK. I'm out for today.

What do you think?