There are various important rites of passage in our lives that we bookmark with events. Some lives begin with baptisms and many end with funerals. And in between, we see different birthdays and ceremonies. Weddings. Graduations. Pageants. Everyone's road is different. But it's these events that will forever be referred to as we learn to define who we are.

This weekend, I got a chance to see the fantastic movie Quinceanera, which follows the story of Magdalena, as she faces the traditional Mexican event that a girl takes part in to cross the threshold into womanhood. The film also has other important issues to it, most notably the cross-pollination of Mexicans and gays in the current population of Echo Park. This is most duly noted with the character of Magdalena's cousin Carlos, who is ostracized from his family for being gay (and he's fine to boot.) There's a lot more to the film and its plot then I am discussing, but you should really go and see it when it comes out this month.

This weekend, I also went to a friend's 30th birthday party. Being that I am 29, practically everyone I know is either turning 30, or is about to. Talk about a rite of passage. I am looking forward to mine, and being at this party got me to thinking about it. How do I want to celebrate thirty years of my life? I know that there is still plenty of time until then, but I want it to be the most characteristic party of myself that I have ever thrown, and of course, the greatest. I have even asked one of my best friends if she wants to do it with me, given that we share a lot of the same friends and we have been friends for ten of those thirty years. So, we'll see, but I am open to suggestions. I once had this fond idea of going with my friends to what looks like the true happiest place on earth.

But I am flexible.

Events like these are key. They can help us to celebrate our culture. They can let us see who the real important people are in our lives. And they allow us a moment to see ourselves and reflect on the triumphs and losses we have encountered along the way. So, this past weekend taught me to treat all of my own "rite of passage" events with respect, pride, and love. Because this is my life we're talking about. And if I don't have all of those things for my own life, why am I even bothering?

Shoot, maybe I'll have a quinceanera for my thirtieth.

What about it?

Move over Katherine McPhee, the true pop antichrist has officially risen. If Missy Elliot's ANYTHING and Gwen's Hollaback girl adopted a baby, it would be this.

Por que, Josh?

Me no likey.

There are some songs that burrough into my soul when I hear them. They aren'’t all in my ipod'’s top 25, but they each have shared their time on repeat at one time or another.

Here'’s some of them and why:

1. Breathe Me, by Sia. I knew this song before I even heard it. I was not a Six Feet Under viewer sadly until after the fact. So I had just been told of the brilliant song that closed the series finale. It had been sent to me in numerous files that I could not open. Then one glorious day, we met and fell in love. And then once I watched the entire SFU series (in record time) and saw the last moments of it which are, in my opinion, some of the best in television, I became hooked. The underwater elegance of the opening piano notes that lead into Sia's ethereal voice as it asks for help is crushing. That is followed by her gripping emotional testimony, where she bares all to her neediness and desire for connection. And there is nothing more sweeping than the emotional wave that breathes in and out in the final minute and nineteen of this song. Breathe Me reminds me of the grandness of my life. It is the soundtrack in my car as I drive forward to the next chapter of my story, just like Claire.

2. Transatlanticism, by Death Cab for Cutie. Another Six Feet Under song. However, this one was mine before I saw it on the show. I must really love piano, because this one also starts out with a few delicate notes and builds into a blissful crescendo. And Ben Gibbard's voice is so soothing. This song was the star of one of my ten favorite live music moments too. Sure, playing it on my speakers is great, but there is nothing more transcendental than a theater full of people chanting, "“I need you so much closer..." It brought tears to my eyes. And like Breathe Me, it reminds me every time of how difficult it can be to truly connect with people, even the ones you love and know you best. Also, those drums at the end are like my rapidly beating heart, just pushing to scream out, "Come on!" Eight plus minutes of music best heard at top volume and with no interruptions. I love it.

3. The Origin of Love, by Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Yes, it's from a musical. But it's not your typical musical. I recall vividly sitting in a theater at the Embarcadero 5 in San Francisco with a friend and watching this film. As the story of how love came to be was told in chalk drawings, I was pulled in. John Cameron Mitchell'’s deeply emotional telling made the myth of how people were born as two and cut in half so heartbreaking and scary. As Hedwig bellowed out about loneliness, I couldn'’t help but to understand. I can recognze that feeling of being separated from someone and not knowing how you'’ll get that completeness back. It's a sad story, love. But as I know better now than on that day in SF, it can also be found.

4. The Blower'’s Daughter, by Damien Rice. It really found it’s voice as the opening act song in the film, Closer, where Natalie Portman strolled in slow motion towards her emotional evolution. Whether you liked the film or not, you could never deny the power of Rice'’s soaring seductive delivery. And who wouldn't want to be told, "“I can'’t take my eyes off of you" by Damien Rice. I recently saw this song performed at The Greek, and the intensity with which everyone engaged the song was riveting. I can't listen to it on repeat, but the experience when I do is one of depth.

5. A Sorta Fairytale, by Tori Amos. "On my way up north, up on the Ventura..." She had me at those first few lines, since I know the Ventura well. That, and there's a piano intro. Major theme here. Must be that I wanted a piano so bad as a kid, but we didn't have the kind of money that afforded that. Regardless, there is no better piano matron than Tori, and this is my favorite of her entire lot. It's an epic love poem that embodies the entire journey of a great relationship. There is a richness to all of the instrumentation, and the whole thing is just very California. And it reminds me of seeing Tori at Radio City by myself, and the empowerment that the whole experience gave to me. I've never had a love like the one she sings of here, but singing along to it shows me that I may have the passion it needs.

6. Jump, by Madonna. A new song. I had to include her, and Drowned World and Holiday are unquestionable favorites. But upon hearing this album for the first time, this song just flew out at me as easily being my favorite. And after seeing Jump live, it's even higher on my list. No matter my mood or surroundings, this song comes on and I'm easily transported to happy. And the lyrics inspire me to move forward on my goals and ideas. See, I think that good art in any medium should awaken our own spirit and lead us to our own creative exploration. After listening to what should be Madonna's next big hit, I get the feeling that I could change the world. Or at least make the most of what the day has to offer me.

7. The Scientist, by Coldplay. Piano chords. Love struggling to stay alive. I think you know me now. "Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be so hard. I'm going back to start." With every pounding of the keys, Chris Martin howls for redemption. I don't know that I've ever made a man howl. But I love this one.

8. Gorecki, by Lamb. By far, one of the most perfect songs ever made. Nicole Kidman even warbles a few lines as she crosses a ballroom in 'Moulin Rouge!'. I want this song to play at my wedding. "All this time I've loved you, and never known your face. All this time I've missed you and searched this human race." I want to know that kind of presence in love. And when the tribal beat kicks in, you want to be swept away by love's destiny. One of the only short films I ever made was an impromptu acting jam between a few friends to the tune of this song. It will always connotate expression at its rawest, and I have a fondness in my heart for it knowing that it put me in touch with a part of me that I adore. And perhaps looking in the mirror is all I need to do to find the one I have been waiting for.

9. Pictures of Success, by Rilo Kiley. I finally got to see them perform this song at their last show here in L.A., and it cemented why I truly love it. From their first album, there is an innocence to Jenny Lewis' voice as she explains how she has a hard time putting herself "in the picture of success". The fear of success/failure has been a chronic issue for me in both work and play. I love how this song looks at it head on and says, I know this could be a fucked up situation and it could turn out dirty, but "I am ready to go." It implores me to let go of my fears and move forward. I still face them, but in my times of need, I hear Jenny's voice and I try a little harder.

10. Moon River, from Breakfast at Tiffany's. The movie is one of my favorites. On a day like today, I can just toss it on and get wrapped up in Holly's comi-tragic excursions into New York City. The original Carrie Bradshaw, if Carrie had been a call girl/drug trafficker. But so sweet and charming, as is this song. Makes me long for romance. Makes me want to eat pasta with some cute guy and have us each be eating the same noodle, a la Lady and the Tramp. Makes me want to luxuriate. And dream.

So, I love a dramatic intro and a good pop lullaby. What songs move you?

Well, off to dream some more now.

What about it?

Also, cause you didn't ask, here's my celebrity playlist to help get through the hell incarnate known as Summer 06. I mean, really. A Los Angeles summer used to be warm, but never New York City warm. I swear I thought we were going to have a hurricane last night in Silverlake. This one will go down in the history books. But I think with some good tunes, chilled pinot grigio, and a little love, we'll all make it through. Here's some easy suggestions to help you enjoy the rest of your summer.

This is On The Long Summer Road:

1. Jump, Madonna - one of my favorite songs overall, as I've already noted. There was an article on billboard.com regarding the lack of Madonna love on the radio these days. Warner Bros. is going to campaign to make this one a hit, the article states. Start pumping this one as your summer jam. I mean, it's in Devil Wears Prada for crying out loud, which is by far one of the best movies of the summer. Pirates of the what?

2. Ain't No Other Man, Christina Aguilera - I cannot wait for this lady's new album. Double disc=very ambitious and risky. I thought Stripped could have stripped a few more songs from it, but that's just me. Regardless, if this jam is any indication, she ain't got nothing to worry about. Hottest single the radio has playing right now.

3. Afraid, Nelly Furtado & Attitude - It's the first song on the new album, and it is GOOD. The beat is reminiscent of a Linkin Park track, and Nelly's vocals are hushed as if she's ducking for cover from trouble but still has a story to tell. This one makes me want to take advantage of the sweaty summer heat and do a little grinding on the dance floor and beyond.

4. Crazy, Gnarls Barkley - Yeah, it's been around since long before the summer, but now you can't escape it. And who would want to, given a lot of the stagnant crap on the radio. When this one chimes in, the dial gets turned up and L.A.'s traffic-ridden streets make a little more sense.

5. U & UR Hand, Pink - She is back with this one. I have to forgive her for the lyrical cliche of Stupid Girls thanks to this rough and tumble Pink explosion that better suits her aggressive nature. The new wave keyboards and Pat Benatar guitar licks make you crave the opportunity this summer to just tell somebody off.

6. SexyBack, Justin Timberlake - On first listen, I thought this was trash. Now, with more listening, I still think it's trash. But it's the kind of trash that makes me hearken back to my days at the dark, sweaty gay bars in New York's East Village, where six drinks in would have you grinding anyone in your path. The gayest summer song ever by a straight man. It sounds like a circuit party at a hip-hop club. Love.

7. The Long Way Around, The Dixie Chicks - Yes, I like them. No surprise really. They are a bunch of cute, liberal girls who rebel and write good songs. And they like the gays. This song is all about striking out on your own path, which is a good theme for me this summer. Being different is a gift. I forget sometimes. The Dixies remind me.

8. DeJa Vu, Beyonce f. Jay-Z - I have to say that I don't think it matches the more musically interesting singles from her first album, but it's a good time regardless. And girl goes off at the end like she was taking vocal lessons from Mary J. She is one of the most talented out right now, for sure.

9. Littlest Things, Lily Allen - This song is so cute. The piano makes me want to stare out the window on a rainy summer day. The chorus makes me want to play a game of hopscotch. There's a little Dido here with a bit more personality. If I lived in New York still, this would be my favorite to ride the subway to.

10. I'm In Love, The Audio Bully's - Another super cute song with a British accent. This song will make you want to be in love. You'll want to get ice creams with your cutie. The strings and rap that pop in half-way give the song an original flair that makes it memorable.

11. So What, Corey TuT - This man is one of my friends, and his music is lush, fun, and powerful. This song has the perfect blend of punky pop chords and electro intensity to make it stand out from the rest. And Corey's beautiful voice gives his lyrics an endearing quality. We all fuck up. Corey teaches us to still be in the game, even if everything around us seems nothing but tragic. Check his myspace page out.

12. Pictures of Success, Rilo Kiley - An old, old track. But for some reason, it is on the summer list. I wrote about it before - see my notes in the other blog, Music Food for Your Soul. Every summer needs one old song to keep you grounded to who you are. Like an old friend. Or an old pair of socks.

"I'm not scared, but I'd like some extra spare time."

Now please resume bringing sexy back.

What about it?

It's been so long since I have written, that I almost forgot how to. Not true. But life has sort of been overwhelming and amusing and really quite busy. For those who even wonder - highlights:

- Few dates with a cutie. So unlike me to sustain a dating ritual for more than 48 hours. I applaud myself, and I applaud him even more for venturing into the craziness that is me.

- Cha Cha Lounge, on Glendale. Shocking lighting. Good drinks. A color photo booth. Pocky in the vending machine. All I needed was Jenny Lewis to walk in and my Silverlake honkytonk fantasy could have come true. Well that, and maybe they need a neon saddled bull to ride. I'm only saying...

- Lady in the Water. Most are shocked when I say I liked The Village. I have to say I kinda loved it actually. What it said about the fear we breed in our young, the fantastical score, and Bryce Dallas Howard's stunningly heartbreaking performance. I forgave most everything else. However, I am not as easily compassionate towards the new film. First off, the man is a shameless narcissist. If you want to act, go on an audition. Don't cast yourself as a writer who may have the words to save the world. It's distracting and a bit embarrassing. Now it's not to say that I thought the film was all bad. But, if you're gonna make a children's bedtime story on screen, then commit to that and make something magical. Give me Labyrinth. If you're making it for adults, then give me some deeper character development and more thrills. And also more of the social relevance as to how we forget to believe in the magic of our imagination as we get older and bogged down by the reality of it all. Isn't that the point? Anyway, M. Night owes Paul Giamatti and Ms. Howard a large mint for bringing some sort of soul to this film with a great concept but overall strange and disappointing execution.

- Family Reunion. I just found it my dad's family is having one. So stoked. My lineage awaits.

- Saturn's Return to New York. It's a book by Sara Gran that I just finished this morning. Though a bit long in its exposition, the story really opened up towards the end, and I found myself touched by the main character, Mary, and her quiet transformation. She of course is going through her Saturn Return, which she learns about at the beginning of the novel. And she goes through it, with familial loss and old loves popping back up. It helped me see that my Return doesn't have to look like everyone else's, but there is a relatable feeling of emotional confusion that underlies them all.

- I saw an astrologer. Yes. He told me to keep writing. He told me to stop relating to myself like a ten year old. He told me to move on. He told me I am really good with sexual fantasies. Yes, the astrologer told me that. I mean, really. He also told me I need hypno-therapy. Anyone know one?

- I was in one of my best friend's weddings. No, I didn't want to stop it or steal the groom. But I did get to see San Francisco again, which is always a pure delight. In fact, anywhere I can wear a hoodie in July is a pure delight for me. But I also got to see the kitties and Regina and the Golden Gate Bridge. I got to dance to "Ain't No Other Man" in the tiniest and hottest club with a bunch of fine ass man, all raised hands and groovin'. Most importantly, I got to witness love at its most blissful and pure moment. Real beauty, and I was there.

That's me for now.

What about it?

Destroying old habits.

Facing it daily - the mirror of frustration
and doubt.
The silly rollercoaster we have no need to ride
But it's the easiest one going down
in the whole park.

Right now for me, it's
can things just be good?

Face it with me right now.
Please.

I mean,
It's good to wake up relatively rested on a Saturday morning.
It's a good thing, right?
And then to go to boxing, your FAVORITE hour of the week,
and kick ass, nailing punches and dazzling your insecurities
Working the speed bag like you had one in the womb
(probably did)
and having fun.
It's okay, right, to do that?
It's okay to have fun.
To go shoe shopping and a little cute conversation on the phone
A little sojourn into the lost crevices of emotion.
It feels good.
So is it wrong?
Is it wrong to laugh with Russ about anything and nothing
in the middle of a hot afternoon in July?
Is that cool?
Am I cool?
Right now
listening to Coldplay on the ipod
typing away
aggressively - My Mars and Ascendent square
working the centuries old disagreement out
peacefully.

Can this be?
Can this be my life?
Calm and peaceful and awake and okay.
Can it be like this forever?
Or at least fifty or sixty more years?
Can it?

I'm asking this now.
Cause if it can, I'm so cool with that.

Are you working this out in your own head right now?
I really hope that you are.

Cause I think we can change the way people look at the world.
And we can change the way people look at themselves.
And each other.
Starting here.

The army march on.

You with me?